The Tragedy of TacoBell: A Play in 8 Acts

Saturday evening, 7pm, TacoBell. Celebrating the end of a productive study day, my boyfriend, his roommate and I decided to indulge in juicy burritos and crispy Tacos- at the TacoBell around the corner. What should have been an uneventful fast-food binge turned into a mildly entertaining and severely stunning live performance staring the people of the Tenderloin. For anyone not too familiar with SF and its districts, the Tenderloin is comparable to New York’s Bronx. You know, homeless on the street, people dealing and taking drugs, drunk hysterical women, lots of trash and the like.
The following 8 scenarios happened within a ten-minute-time frame.

1. Us: “Hi, two times three Tacos please!”
Cashier: “Jimmy, six Tacos,  two times three!”
Jimmy: “Two times three tacos..but I thought you said six?”
Cashier: “Two. Times. Three. That’s six tacos, ain’t it?”
Jimmy: “Woman, you ain’t listening to me. That’s what I said!”

2. Table next to us
Mother to kid:  “No cinnamon bun before you haven’t finished up your Supreme Burrito chipmunk. Come on, they’re
good for you.”

3. Homeless to cashier: “I told you what I want. Go get it! Ain’t you hearin me, go and place ma order!”
     Mother from before: “Hey, you ain’t talkin to that cashier lady like that, you hear me? ‘Tis none of your business to
talk to her like that!”

4. Homeless vs mother: “Don’t you dare tellin me how to talk or not!”
     “I said shut the f*** up, you ain’t talkin to that cashier like that!”
     “YOU better shut the f*** up or I’ll come for you!”
     “You wanna fuckin’ punch me? Yeah, let’s take that outside, I ain’t scared of ya!”

5. Fight resolved. Homesless leaves. Comes back minutes later.
Homeless to mother: “Hey ma’am, I’m sorry. I have to apologize, I know I…”
“No, Sir, I got to apologize, I…”
     “I’m sorry, I know that…”
     “I apologize, I’m sorry for telling you off…”
     “No, I’m sorry, the cashier is my daughter…” (which I don’t think makes the whole fight any better)
      “I know, I know, I know y’all. Just, I didn’t want you to curse in front of my children”  (yeah right, ’cause you’re
such a saint)
“I know, I know ma’am. I’m sorry!”

6. Peace agreement.
Mother to homeless: “Hey, you smoke?”
     “Yeah, I smoke. But it’s ok, you don’t have to…”
     “No, we got some cigarettes for you, come on, let’s go outside and have a cigarette together, whatcha think?”

7. Mother to kid: “Mommy will be outside for a cigarette chipmunk! Sit down and eat your burrito.”

8. Boyfriend to me: “I think you should write about that in your blog…”





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